Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
