her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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