thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
