i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Green mimosas i think yes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
