is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
