he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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