everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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