wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
