You made me cry and you don't even care
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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