She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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