i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
