He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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