I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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