I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
