This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize