I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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