If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
