I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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