i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
