Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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