Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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