Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
