Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
