i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
