you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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