and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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