i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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