My room smells like vodka and shame
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
