laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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