I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize