hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
