mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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