you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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