Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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