it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
