Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
