my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
