I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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