When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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