Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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