Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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