Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
