yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
