am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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