it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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