Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
