the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what day is it and did you see me today?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
