Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
