I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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