I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
