none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
