He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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