i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
