just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
