some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
