No awkward lesbian experiences without me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
