The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
