We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
