Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
