Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
