considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
